Why We Don’t “Work on Relationships” Until It’s Too Late—And How to Flip That Script
Most people treat relationships like plumbing: ignore the signs, pray the duct tape holds, and only call for help when there’s a full-blown flood.
I’m here to tell you—that’s backwards.
Let’s flip the script.
The “Fitness” We Forget
There’s an entire industry around physical fitness.
There’s one blossoming around mental fitness.
But relationships? We don’t touch those until they’re on life support.
We’ve normalized waiting until the damage is severe:
The marriage is on the rocks.
The team’s imploding.
The family dinner table has become a Cold War zone.
Then suddenly, we’re scrambling to “fix” it.
But here’s the deal—you don’t fix relationships like broken furniture. You build them like muscles.
Consistently.
Intentionally.
Before the injury.
If You Don’t Stretch, You Snap
Let me get personal for a second. My wife, Tammy, and I have been together over 40 years. Teenage parents. Long odds. Wild ride.
Do you think we made it this far on luck?
No. We worked at it. Regularly.
We made a habit of debriefing other couples’ mistakes. Not to gossip—but to build muscle memory for when life punched us in the throat.
We call it relationship fitness. And just like physical fitness, the earlier you start, the stronger you get.
You don't wait until you're 100 pounds overweight to start eating better.
You don't wait for a heart attack to consider cardio.
So why wait for a betrayal, blow-up, or breakdown before you reflect on how you're showing up in your relationships?
The Four Reps You’ve Gotta Get In
Let me give you the basic workout plan.
Alignment – Are your values, goals, and expectations clear and aligned? Not assumed. Not implied. Aligned.
Care – Are you showing the other person that they matter, daily? Not “love ya!” texts. Real care. Active listening. Small gestures. Advocacy.
Commitment – Are you in this for the long game? Or just until it gets uncomfortable?
Discipline – Are you consistent? Or only intentional when the heat’s on?
These four elements are the core lifts in relationship fitness. If you’re not practicing them, don’t be surprised when things get out of shape.
Start Small, Start Now
Here’s your call to action—not next week. Today.
Pick one relationship.
Pick one of the four elements above.
Ask yourself honestly: Have I been practicing this? Or coasting?
Then do one rep today.
Text a teammate and ask how they’re really doing.
Tell your spouse something you appreciate, not something that needs fixing.
Apologize without a “but.”
Hold your boundary without anger.
Relationships Aren’t Rehab. They’re Reps.
Don’t treat relationship fitness like rehab.
Treat it like a routine.
That’s how you build resilience before you need it.
That’s how you prevent the slow drift into misalignment.
That’s how you create a life filled with connection, instead of crises.
You want better relationships?
Don’t wait until you’re drowning.
Start training while the water’s still calm.