Parenting Like a Coach: Why Threatening Your Kids 15 Times Doesn’t Work
Let me paint a picture.
You’re in the kitchen. Your kid’s doing that thing again.
You say, “If you do that one more time…”
They do it again.
You say, “I mean it this time!”
They do it again.
You raise your voice, they laugh—or cry—and now you're either yelling or backing down.
Sound familiar?
We’ve all been there.
But here’s the truth you don’t hear enough:
If you're threatening your kids 15 times and punishing them once, you're not disciplining. You're training.
You’re just training the wrong thing.
Discipline Isn’t About Control. It’s About Consistency.
I’ve coached hundreds of people—parents, leaders, teams—and I always come back to the same principle:
Behavior that gets rewarded gets repeated. Behavior that gets ignored or inconsistently punished gets calculated.
Kids aren’t dumb. They’re emotional statisticians.
They figure out pretty quickly what’s worth it and what’s not.
If you tell your kid not to do something, and you don’t act when they do it, what did you just teach?
You taught:
“I can do this a few times before it matters.”
“Their words don’t always mean action.”
“There’s wiggle room here.”
That’s not discipline. That’s uncertainty.
“Catch ‘Em in the Act” — The Real Key
Here’s what works:
You’ve got to catch the behavior at the moment.
And respond with something that matters to the kid.
Not what you think should matter. What actually does.
If your child is an introvert and you “punish” them by sending them to their room? That’s a reward.
If they hate being embarrassed, and you calmly but firmly address the behavior in front of others? That might hit different.
It’s not about shame—it’s about value.
What they value determines what has impact.
Discipline ≠ Punishment. Discipline = Teaching.
Think of yourself as a coach, not a warden.
Great coaches:
Catch the moment.
Provide feedback that fits the person.
Adjust based on how the player learns best.
Repeat the reps until it becomes muscle memory.
If your child keeps doing the same behavior, ask:
Have I been clear?
Have I been consistent?
Have I been rewarding the wrong thing by accident?
If the answer is “kinda, sorta, not really”—start there.
Model the Behavior You Want
You can’t yell, “BE CALM!” and expect them to learn calm.
You can’t punish disrespect by being disrespectful.
They don’t just hear what you say—they become how you behave.
The greatest parenting move I ever made wasn’t some fancy system.
It was realizing I had to be what I wanted them to mirror—even when I was exhausted, frustrated, or disappointed.
Embarrassment, Humor, and the Jedi Mind Trick
Okay, confession time.
When my kids were young, we’d be out in public and if they started acting up, I wouldn’t yell. I wouldn’t lecture.
I’d copy their behavior—right there, in front of everyone.
They’d shout, I’d shout back.
They’d flail, I’d flail harder.
Suddenly they’re mortified, and the behavior stops.
Now, before you call Child Protective Services—this was done with love and humor. No cruelty. No shame. Just mirroring their behavior like a mirror from a funhouse.
It worked because it triggered discomfort without fear.
They didn’t want a repeat performance. And I never had to raise my voice.
Every Kid Is Different—So Be Flexible, Not Random
Let me be real clear: what worked for my kids might not work for yours.
That’s the art of coaching. You don’t treat every player the same—you find their motivators, their triggers, their feedback style.
The goal isn’t obedience.
It’s self-awareness, emotional regulation, and alignment.
That takes trial and error. But if you show up with consistency, clarity, and love—you’ll get there.
Final Thought: Your Kids Are Watching You More Than They’re Listening to You
Discipline isn’t about controlling your kids.
It’s about training them to control themselves.
And the way they learn that?
Is by watching how you handle chaos, frustration, and conflict.
So next time you want to scream:
Take a breath.
Step into coach mode.
Catch the moment.
Make it count.
Because they’re always learning.
The question is: what are you teaching them?
If you want help tailoring your discipline style to your kid’s unique personality—or decoding a behavior loop they’re stuck in—reach out. Let’s work it through together.
Parenting isn’t about perfection.
It’s about reps.